Ladies and Gentlemen, the World’s Biggest Douchebag

Feminism, Racism

by Ed Brayton

On Wednesday, the guy behind the Sleepless in Austin website was revealed and the previous world record for douchebaggery was shattered, possibly forever. He’s a 39-year old guy who is just looking for love because he’s lonely. And after reading his website, you pretty quickly understand why. Here’s what he’s looking for in a girl:

I am looking for a decent girl that wants to be in a long term monogamus relationship with me.
I want the girl to be attractive.
I like girls that are thin, or with a toned or athletic build. A average build is fine too, just as long as you are not over weight. I will not date a overweight or fat girl.
I like girls that are 130 pounds or less. Of course weight needs to be in proportion to their height, as long as they aren’t considred overweight, they should be fine.
Being overweight is a total dealbreaker with me.
I also like girls with long hair. I like a girl to look like a girl, not a man, I like a feminine, pretty girl. I like hair down to the shoulders at least. Sometimes I can make exceptions if it is shorter depending on how it looks on the girl. But for the most part, I love long hair.
Redheads are my favorite, next is Brunettes, and next is Blondes, in that order. I like all 3, but I’m just saying if I had to choose, that’s my order of preference.
I will not date a Black girl. I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl.
However, I will date any other race, Hispanic, Mexican, Spanish, Russian, Italian, French, European, White, whatever, anything except Black.
I do not like glasses on a girl. Although, it’s not a dealbreaker, as long as she can wear contacts at least most of the time.
I do not ever want to have kids, so if a girl is wanting to have babies, I am not her man.
I will not date a girl that does not have a job or career.
I am not looking for any type of woman that is materialistic or a gold digger or expects a man to pay for everything.
I do not like tattoos on a woman. If a woman already has tattoos, it may not be a deal breaker unless she plans to get more in the future. If a woman has something small and feminine like a butterfly or rose already on her ankle or something then it may not necessacerily be a dealbreaker. And it would also help if she would consider having them laser removed, something I might would even pay to have done for her.
To me, tattoos just represent white trash or somone that’s been in prison. I do not care for following trends like mindless sheep and getting tats just because what ever Star on TV got them, they will always be a symbol of White Trash. The Female human body is the most beautiful work of Art God ever created, to tattoo it with ink is the same as vandalising a famous Monet painting with a can of spray paint!
I also do not like piercings on a woman. I do not like a woman to have anything pireced other than her Ears. If she has other piercings it’s not a dealbreaker as long as she removes them and never wears them again.
I do not like gamblers. I will not be in any relationship with a woman that gambles or wastes money on such things.
I do not like strippers! I will not date any girl that has ever been a stripper. I believe that the only person that should ever see a womans naked body is only her boyfriend or husband.
I will not date any girl that has ever had a threesome, or a large number of past sexual partners. I do not want a promiscuous slut, I want a normal, decent, good hearted girlfriend.
I will not date any girl that can not always be honest & faithful to me. This is very important.
I prefer a girl that does not smoke, but as long as she does not smoke in my house or around me, if she can go outside and smoke, then I can live with that. I lived with my ex girlfriend for Eleven years, and she was a smoker.
I will not date any girl if she is still friends with any men that she has been intimate with in the past, I believe once a relationship with someone is over, it’s OVER.
I will not date a selfish woman. I do not like selfish women at all.
I do not like sarcastic or cynical people, I do not like people that always think negatively either, so that type of girl would also not be a good match for me.
I know sometimes on my website here, I may seem like a negative person because I point out sooooo many things that I dislike, but I assure you I am a very positive person, I am just tring to put out here my likes/dislikes so you can know more about me and what type of girl may get along with me.
I do not expect a girl to agree with all of my beliefs or opinions etc, but I do not like to argue, and it’s very important that we can live in peace together if at some point the girl & I live together. I like to live in a quiet & peaceful environment. That is extremely important to me.
I like a girl that dresses on the conservative side. Not like a slut, and not anything weird. Just normal is fine. T-Shirt & Jeans are OK. But a girl in a dress really gets my heart racing! I also love it when a girl wears a mini skirt with boots, not cowboy boots, but sexy boots. Or high heels, I love spiked high heels!
I like a girl that takes care of herself and keeps herself clean of course.
I love it when a girl wears sexy lingerie in the bedroom! Especially thigh highs!
I need a girl that can be very warm & affectionate and loving.
It’s also nice if the girl has a big heart and appreciates simples things, and understands the value of sentimental things etc.
I like a girl that appreciates romance and the art of courtship.
Kissing is one of my most favorite things to do with a girl, it’s very important. I also love to hold a girls hand when I am walking with her. And I love sleeping beside a girl and holding her close to me, and spooning with her. In fact THAT is the reason I named this website “Sleepless In Austin” because I haven’t had a single good nights sleep in years, ever since my relationship ended with my ex-girlfriend.
And yes, I also liked the movie Sleepless in Seattle, haha :-D
It dosen’t matter at all to me how big or small a girls breasts are. I prefer them to be real & natural though. I am against breast implants, I see that as unnecessery self mutilation, and I would not want a girlfriend that has breast implants.
I prefer a woman that has never had children, because having kids does ruin a womans body often times. They end up with stretch marks. And also sometimes it makes their vagina looser, and I don’t care how many kegel exercises a woman does, after she has 2 or 3 eight to ten pound babies, you can’t tell me it’s going to be 100% as tight as it ever was! Plus, what’s even worse than all of that, is sometimes during childbirth the lips/vulva of a woman get torn and they never look the same as the did originally even after they heal, that’s why some women even get cosmetic reconstructive surgery to their vulvas after childbirth to try and regain their original appearance.
Now I’m not saying having had a kid or two is a for sure dealbreaker for me, but it’s a case by case basis, and I prefer a woman that’s never had kids if possible. My ex-girlfriend that I was with for Eleven years never had kids, she couldn’t because of a hysterectomy at a young age.
I like to get a lot of attention in a relationship, and I like to give it as well.
I also have a very high sex drive.

Perhaps even funnier is his “about me” page, where he says:

Sometimes I think people see me as a very arrogant & egotistical man, I can’t help it if I am more intelligent than most men, that’s their problem and their own insecurities they must deal with.

Yes, oh King of the Douchebags (the guy actually refers to himself as the “King of 6th Street”), we can see your superior intelligence by your website full of misspelled words, mangled grammar and randomly capitalized words. And because you make statements like this:

And, I do not believe that Whites & Blacks should mix races sexually and have kids together.
I think it’s ok for Whites & Hispanics. But not Blacks.
I would NEVER, EVER, EVER date a woman if I found out she had EVER been sexually active with a Black man.
That would just be pure filth.

Then he did an AMA on Reddit and tried to defend that with every idiotic cliche he could manage:

I am NOT racist. Just because I don’t like the appearnce of black people does not make me racist. Just because I don’t like a particular painting, does not mean I dislike the medium of Art as a whole!
But I will say this, Blacks do make up the majority of the inmates in the prisons in the country.
And I think it’s White people that make up the majority of white collar executive types of positions in America. Probably more Whites are 1 percenters than there are blacks.
When I think of all of the classical composers like Mozart etc that were pure genius, I don’t recall many of them being Black.
This is the 1st black president we’ve had so far and look what a horrible job he has done.
So in the grand scheme of things, it appears the scales are tilted in favor of Whites being the superior race, after all we weren’t the ones that were enslaved workinf cotton fields for 40o years..
Just pointing out that history seems to show whites as always rising to the top and dominating all other countries and cultures and taking what they want and doing as they please, being the dominant, most powerful, most intelligent race….
I’m not saying I personally believe whites are superior to blacks, I am not a scientist, and I have not studied it to any great depth…
Just pointing out some observations.
But, again, for the millionth time, I may be a jerk, but I’m not a racist, there’s a big difference.
My best friends are black and I have no hatred for them….
Because when a woman has been with a black man, in my book that is ALMOST the same thing as beastiality, because black people look like apes, monkeys and gorillas.

Yeah, his best friends are black! And they love it when he tells them that he’s superior to them and that a white woman sleeping them would make her unclean forever because that’s “pure filth” and “almost the same thing as bestiality” because “black people look like apes, monkeys and gorillas.” They love that shit!
One commenter at Jezebel left this amusing comment:

I like a girl that likes Random capitalization. If she does not randomly Capitalize, it is not a deal breaker, but my ex girlfriend of Eleven years liked it.

And another pasted an email he sent her from OK Cupid after she didn’t answer his first email:

I’m just curious as to what specifically is the reason why you do not want to go out with me? What about me specifically is not attractive enough to meet your standards? Or why exactly do you think that you & I would not be a match. I don’t get it. I checked out your profile and you seem like a cool person but I just don’t get why you aren’t giving me the time of day.
Romeo Rose aka King of 6th Street (50% ROCKSTAR & 50% CEO = 100% UNIQUE)

Yes, he actually signed his email that way. You know how annoying it when a dug humps your leg? Now imagine if that dog was a racist and a massive asshole too. Seriously, this has to be some sort of record for sheer idiocy. But wait, here’s the punchline. This is him:

Line forms to the right, ladies.